Sinking
by spelerison
Summary: References to The Snow Job episode but quickly turns AU. SUGGESTS ELIOT/NATE SLASH. He was sinking without a life jacket. Nate was continuing to drown and the worst part of it all, it didn't look like he knew how to swim.
1. Chapter 1

**Sinking**

It wasn't the money, he had been cheated out of enough money that a little more wouldn't really matter.

It wasn't the way he felt sneered upon when Nate talked to him.

It wasn't even the drinking that had him bothered most, it was nothing new and he was sure it wouldn't be ending anytime soon.

No, none of those things angered Eliot as much as he angered himself. He prided himself in knowing when to make his exit, knowing when it was time to leave. Yet here he was still working with a man that was quickly losing control of himself and their jobs. Trusting this man to have his back when currently he wasn't even capable of watching his own.

It was three in the morning and his arms were crossed tightly as he stared out the window at the few cars that were still creeping past down below, wondering why the hell his truck wasn't one of them. Why he was standing there when he should be packing, leaving the unnecessary burden behind. Why in the very least he wasn't at his own place, why he had come back when he knew exactly what he'd find.

He was a damn fool that's why. His momma had always told him the tale of her first true love when he was little, his father, and how when you're least expectin' it that's when it'd come right up and bite you in the ass. What she forgot to mention and what he later found out was that love didn't always deliver you a Prince Charming, in her case it was a no good gambler that stole every penny she had saved leaving her with no job and two kids to raise. She didn't tell him that most of the time you didn't even get to choose, that love was a bastard that way.

The saying goes the heart wants what the heart wants and his damn, no good, backstabbing, treacherous heart had sought out no other than Nathan Ford. He had spent hours trying to figure out why and the reasons were non existant. Nate was rude, held a mightier than thou attitude, drank more than a fish, and as much as he tried not to let them the more days that went past the more of the few good qualities Nate had disappeared.

Nate was a broken man, much like himself, he didn't want love and Eliot didn't want to love him. He wanted to hate the man but only hated himself more for the thought, Nate deserved a lot but his own rage wasn't one of them things. If anything it was his fault for letting his emotions get in the way of work, for feeling sympathy, such emotions were only good for causing blood shed and that shouldn't have been any different with this team.

The shadows that played in the dark could hide many a thing but the only thing in them tonight was a man spread flat out on the sofa behind him, an arm dangling off the side as he buried his nose further into the cushion.

Eliot took one last glance at the neon red that passed by before he moved quietly to the other side of the room and sat across from him on the floor. He wanted to wake him up, to scream and growl and deliver the ass whoopin' he had promised. That's what he wanted to do but he wouldn't, it'd be like any other night and he'd just sit there standing guard until morning came and he'd once again slip away without his presence being known.

He had told Nate that he didn't care if he drank himself into a coma and honestly he didn't, if Nate didn't care why should he? But he knew if that happened he'd continue to stand guard, he'd sit there until he woke back up just so he'd have the satisfaction of seeing the disappointment on Nates face when he realized he hadn't died. He'd laugh at him and remind him that death was to good for bastards like them.

They more than deserved what was coming to them and Eliot could admit that, he would accept that but he wasn't going to accept a damn broken heart when he didn't ask for the dumb thing to fall in love to begin with. He'd continue to watch Nate drown himself, continue to come here at night to see the man so he could get through the days. It was the only time he could stand being around him and that would have to be enough because he wasn't going to pine away for something he didn't want. As far as he was concerned loving Nate was like a bad cold, it was horrid and disgusting and he'd just have to wait it out. It was the worst thing he could remember happening to him yet he couldn't remember a torture he had ever willingly partook in, yes it was torture and still he stayed.

He spread out on the floor next to the couch, close enough so that the fingers that were hanging nearly brushed his chest when he breathed out and grazed the skin over his heart slightly when he took a breath. He wouldn't seek any more contact, even the little he was receiving was to much in his opinion and he was ashamed of himself for the comfort he took in it.

He was sinking without a life jacket. Nate was continuing to drown and the worst part of it all, it didn't look like he knew how to swim.


	2. Chapter 2

**Three months** **later**  
**Nates POV**

He had turned off the light about half an hour ago, had been laying there waiting for the very sound he was hearing now, the front door open. Normally his ears wouldn't have picked up the sound for how faint it was but he had trained them to listen for it over the past month.

He didn't know how long Eliot had been coming but he had first noticed his presence a month ago when he had woke in the middle of the night to find Eliot sleeping in the chair next to his bed, the night after he had been awake when Eliot walked through the door.

Eliot looked him straight in the eye for what had to be five minutes before he just turned around and left, never saying a word.

Those occurances had left him slightly puzzled though he reasoned that as much as Eliot claimed not to care he was probably checking in to make sure he didn't end up with alcohol poisoning. But Eliot making an appearance a few hours later had him reevaluating that assumption, he had yet to call Eliot out on these visits and he probably should but he really doubted he would.

What would he say anyway? He didn't know why Eliot found it necessary to appear randomely at night but there had to be some reasoning. The man never did anything without reason and even if he didn't know the one behind this it was surely there. Asking wouldn't get him any answers, the only likely outcome if he comfronted Eliot would be he'd probably stop showing and what good would that do, he still would be left clueless. If he just continued on like this maybe he'd figure it out eventually and he honestly didn't mind him showing, though he'd never admit it.

He heard the slightest of foot falls on the steps and knew from experience once Eliot entered the room he would go straight to the window.

It was like this every night, no matter if he was on the couch or in his room Eliot would stand in front of the window to seemingly gather his thoughts before he'd settle for what was left of the night. Over these weeks he had come to expect his arrival and now he wasn't sure as to why but he couldn't sleep until after Eliot got there.

Tonight was no different as he used his ears, the only sense that wouldn't give him up as awake, to figure out exactly what was going on. The slight rustle of cloth had him assuming Eliot had removed a coat though he couldn't be sure as he more felt the presence than heard Eliot on the side of the bed.

Except tonight_ was_ different, Eliot didn't move to the window, he sat down on the edge of the bed instead. Nate had been tired, had waited for Eliot knowing from past experience that he usually drifted after the man had been there for ten to fifteen minutes but now he was wide awake and had nearly opened his eyes in surprise.

Never, not once in the 27 nights he knew of for fact that Eliot had been there did he ever, ever sit on the bed. The closest Eliot ever got to him was sprawling on the floor down in the living room but that was it, he'd never even bumped the bed let alone the blankets on it and he honestly was confused as to why things had changed tonight.

Eliot didn't move, not even the slightest and after what felt like forever Nate gave in to his curiousness and risked opening an eye. At the bottom of the bed was Eliot wearing one of his many flannel shirts, head in his hands. It was a rare sight from a man that was always so sure of himself and it had him believing that just maybe he should be worried.

"I can't do this anymore." The words were more breathed than spoke as Nate tried to make sure he wasn't hearing things. After that it was silent again and Nate was left wondering if Eliot knew he was awake or just speaking aloud and more importantly what he meant by that.

What couldn't he do anymore?

"I'm done." He felt the slightest pat to his leg and just like that Eliot was gone.

He was done?

Done with what?

The visits? But it had sounded so much more final than that, almost like a good bye.

He had the sudden urge to go after Eliot, to ask all the questions that he had been wondering and that was what he was going to do. Turning on the light he made to move but stopped when he saw the items on the bottom of his bed, in a gallon ziplock bag was his cell, his comm and a piece of folded paper. The noise he had heard earlier must have come from that.

He shuffled to the end of his bed opening the bag to retrieve the paper.

It said simply, **I WORK ALONE**

* * *

**E/N: So IDK, I love the first chapter but I just thought it needed something more. I can see Eliot being stubborn and ignoring things but what if with time it only got worse? What if those nights weren't enough anymore? It's something he doesn't want but it's something he can't avoid if it's always right under his nose.**

**I believe that would indeed be the eventual outcome and I think it could end just like that but IDK.**

**I'm okay with that ending but I could possibly dabble with this a little more if requested but either way this was probably one of my favorite things to work on.**

**Hope you enjoyed reading as much as I did writing:)**


	3. Chapter 3

That next morning had been a mess.

He had waited for Eliot to come through that door like he had every other morning but it hadn't happened.

The team just figured he had taken a day and continued on with a new consult.

He had let them but in the back of his mind he knew.

The next day when he still didn't show the others had become suspicious.  
Considering his backround it wasn't shocking and soon Hardison had started searching.  
His search of course led him to a drawer in Nates dresser where the items Alec had been tracking had been placed and Nate had no other choice but to tell them Eliot was gone.

Parker had immediately accused him and he didn't bother to deny any of it.  
All he knew for sure was that it was Eliot's choice and that's what he told them.  
He also told them that they had the same choice and either they got back to work or they could get the hell out.

The phrasing hadn't been the best but they did move forward and even managed to help another three clients before things started falling apart.

Parker had grumbled one too many times about them needing a hitter including some snarks about how it was his fault that they had lost theirs and he had snapped.

He had told her to go, that he didn't need her mouth and he sure didn't need her attitude and she had. It was no surprise that Hardison had been right behind her after ushering a few of his own choice words and just like that the team was no more.

Sophie had hung around trying to get him to sort out the situation with the others but eventually he had pushed her away too.  
She had wanted him to apologize, had told him to stop wallowing but he hadn't wanted to admit that he was even doing as much and after a month she had finally stopped coming and he didn't blame her.

It was another two months of him selfishly thinking that they just might come back before he left L.A. for good.

From then on his nights were spent searching, for what he didn't know but after one bar too many he knew he wouldn't find it at the bottom of a bottle. The only thing he had found in that time were reasons why he hated Eliot and it made him realize that he should tell him as much.

If anyone was to blame surely Eliot was it and why not let him know as much. It wasn't as if he had a 9-5 and right now he couldn't even say he had a purpose.

That had been the start, he had become a hunter with no clue how to track his prey and the journey had been ridiculously long. He had moved from hotel to hotel, country to country following any tip that came his way just trying to get a glimpse of the man that had so easily disappeared.

Along the way he had come across Parker, she had been helping someone none the less, and he had finally apologized. He wouldn't say he had magically amended things but she had told him that her and Hardison were still in touch and if he found Eliot to give her a call, maybe they could make the team work yet.

As he continued on he got to thinking about what exactly was keeping him motivated.  
His automatic thought was the challenge seeing as he had never turned one down but seventeen countries and eight months had him believing that there might be something more.

Was he really going this far out of his way just to let Eliot know where his fault lie?

Just so he could be fitted with his share of the blame?

It was something he questioned regularly but he couldn't bring himself to answer. All he knew was that there was something inside telling him that this needed to be done. That even if it was just one more time he needed to make himself heard, that he deserved a better explanation than I'm done.

What he had done to Eliot was something he still hadn't figured out but he knew it was him.

He had been horrible to all of them. This he knew.

He had been an outright ass when it came to Eliot but the man always gave it right back. None of that would have caused him to leave, Nate was positive of that. So what had?

He hadn't believed his half cocked lie of working alone, not for a second but he did believe that it had something to do with his visits.  
He hadn't slept properly since the last one and he wondered how much better Eliot had been doing.  
What he had been doing?  
Where he had been?  
Where he would go?  
If in all this time there wasn't the possibility that they had already crossed paths?

He didn't know any of that, but he did know one thing.

Eliot had ran.

More specifically he had run from him and as he stood there in Los Angeles of all places he finally knew why.

Over a year of searching and too many nights wondering how this one would go and he was nothing more than a knock away from finding out.


	4. Chapter 4

Why he had expected life to finally start being nice to him?  
He didn't know but he figured that he might have earned a little something after nearly raising his baby sister.

Their mama had had no choice but to work two jobs and he didn't blame her but taking care of a house and a kid was hard to do when you were just a kid yourself.

Anybody that had been left to do such a thing could understand wanting to stay away from those kinds of obligations and running away from anyone that wanted to tie you back down to 'em.

That was Nate.

He had him the closest he had ever wanted to get to a 9-5, had got him into a routine, and if that wasn't bad enough somewhere in the back of his mind he had classified Nates as that place to go to at the end of every night.

His feelings aside, it wasn't like he was gonna listen to them anyway, he knew it was time to go when he started thinking of Nate as home.

He hadn't had one of those in a while, he wasn't looking for one, didn't want one, or so that was what he thought until he had finally left that night.

That was what was for the best.  
Nate hadn't been a cold like he thought and it only took him three months to realize it wasn't something he could just wait out but more like something that he needed to extract.

He had done as much but he found it hadn't worked.

He thought about that good for nothing ten times more now than he had when they were still working together. It didn't mean he didn't try to block it out though as he continued to put distance between them eventually leaving the country.

In his attempts to forget he repaid nearly all the favors he owed and had a good stack built up that would be collected if not returned.

It didn't work though and he found himself nearly drowning in booze as multiple women tried for his attention without much success. That didn't mean he stopped trying as he found himself a nice little beach where he spent nearly every night at the local bar always going home with a different bottle and the girl to match.

He could think of worse ways to pass the time and he didn't feel bad about the girls he was using because he knew they were doing the same.  
That became his norm for nearly two months and though he wasn't happy he'd say content was good enough, he had a few acquaintances and things were simple.

That was until one of the girls he had gotten more familiar with said there was a guy goin' around asking about him.

He had tossed her out no later than the words left her mouth and mere minutes later was leaving with his duffle.

Who was looking for him?

He didn't know and he didn't take the time to figure it out as he high tailed it out of there and by that night he had nearly reached the border.  
The next morning he was on a flight to anywhere but there.

Those two months had been fun but he couldn't say he was disappointed to leave and he knew his liver was sure happy to see them go.

It was in India of all places that his path crossed with Hardison and he learned that the team was no more. After saving Hardison's ass, which meant he blew his own job and therefore had made himself another damn enemy, he started thinking about what exactly they had been doing as a team.

It was something he missed believe it or not and he blamed Nate for taking away his only real opportunity to amend some of the damage he had done.

He blamed Nate for a lot of things.

It had been seven months since he had seen the man.  
Well seven months since he had seen him in person seeing as he was right there with him every night and that was another thing to blame Nate for.

He hadn't slept in more than twenty or thirty minute intervals since the night he left.  
He couldn't think straight.  
Food only seemed to remind him of when he'd cooked for the team and he hated it.  
If he ever let his mind wander it went to Nate and it was maddening.  
He had such control over himself yet the simple thought of that man had him wondering when he had become such a love sick teenager.

Not only that though.

He had noticed a destructive pattern which given his life style said something. He was a cautious person, careful in his actions but now he just couldn't bring himself to care.

He was miserable.

He had pulled some of his most difficult retrievals to date in the last few months and not even the challenge had been fulfilling.  
Had visited nineteen countries, some of them holding the most beautiful things nature and man had to offer and he hadn't enjoyed himself.

Something was missing.  
Well more like someone and whether he liked it or not he knew he had to do something about it so he headed back to California.

Nate didn't feel the same way so the plan was easy.  
He'd tell him how he felt, get rejected, tell his stupid heart that he wasn't wanted, and move on.

What better way to get it through your thick head that nothing was gonna happen than to have the person that you wanted something with to tell you it to your face?

He had been telling himself not to react to anything Nate said.  
That he would likely be laughed at, could possibly be told off or cussed out and that in the end it was a good thing because it would only help to break the illusion he had built.  
He had made sure to go at a decent time figuring there'd be less chance of causing a scene and had even given himself a pep talk to just get it over with like a band aid.

All of that and he soon found out that Nate hadn't been living in his apartment for nine months.  
He didn't know why he thought the man would just be there and waiting but it was still bothersome that he wasn't there.  
He no longer knew where he was.

He felt like his heart had been kicked across the country to then be tossed in the ocean where it was ripped apart by a pack of paranas.

Was he exaggerating? It didn't feel like it.

Nate was gone.

He was gone and every fiber of his being was screaming at him to do what he did best and to find him.  
For all he knew Nate could still be in the city, he could have simply moved, it would be easy enough to check.  
He knew Nate had connections in Boston, it wouldn't take more than a phone call and a payment transfer to have his location if he was there. It was even possible that he could have gone back to Chicago but he didn't check.

All of the leads he could go on and he ignored each and every one of them.  
He had told himself from the very beginning that he wasn't going to deal with loving Nate.  
He didn't want to and he hated himself for doing it anyway but that didn't mean he'd just give in.  
He wouldn't chase after Nate like they were in some damn romance movie.  
Nate was a no good, he knew for a fact that he was a bastard and nowhere in their futures would there be any kind of happily ever after. Not together.

If he was lucky he might live another decade or two, if he was really lucky he'd get to save face and retire before some young punk got the upper hand on him. If Nate was lucky he'd make it to old age without needing paralysis, with the way he was going he'd be really lucky if he didn't need a liver transplant by then.  
This was the only way he could forsee their futures and that wasn't something he felt like fighting for.

Instead he got a place in L.A., it was as good a place as any, and he settled into his own way of doing things.  
The days weren't as hectic as he was used to but he preferred it that way and it gave him a chance to finally start another garden of his own. He also got a dog, he figured it was a good way to force himself to place roots, and he named the ugly mug Mr. Ford.

It wasn't like he had stopped thinking about Nate and this way he got to let him know exactly what he thought, well at least in a sense.  
The mutt was spoiled rotten and he often found himself asking Mr. Ford where senior was.  
When he had started considering his dog Nate's junior he didn't know and he was sure it probably wasn't healthy but when had his life been?

He shared everything with that mutt.  
Food, beer, bed, his thoughts especially and eventually he felt that gap in his heart get smaller.  
This Mr. Ford might not be the one he wanted but he was sure he liked this one better.  
He treated and was treated better by this one.

A morning run had quickly fallen into the schedule but never did they follow a certain trail or time frame.  
Some days they were out long before the sun was up and others they weren't back until nearly lunch.  
Today it was about ten when they reached the top of their block and he was spotting the man in front of his door long before Mr. Ford started growling.  
He took his time walking back and even though Mr. Ford wasn't happy about it he stayed by his side.

Who would be at his door?  
He doubted it was trouble because it was highly unlikely that they'd just be standing out front.  
That and from what he was seeing he was nearly positive he knew this man.  
The hair was slightly different and the frame looked to have slimmed but he'd swear it was...

No. It wasn't him.  
Just like it hadn't been him at the grocery and it hadn't been him at the park.  
Nor had he been in the coffee shop.  
This was his mind once again playing tricks on him and the fool on the stairs was probably just a salesman who was really bad at picking houses.

Mr. Ford was still growling and he was just about to yell at the man to get the hell off his porch when he turned around.

He couldn't believe it.  
Nate was standing right there with a bright ass smile and he still found himself wanting to tell the fool to get the hell off of his porch.  
They hadn't seen each other in over a year and there Nate was looking as if he had been invited over.

He didn't bother to say anything as he moved past him and let Mr. Ford in the house.  
What was he supposed to say?  
He hated Nate for showing up like this.  
He had finally started living without that constant need to forget.  
He had accepted things and was doing good.  
He had a steady girl he was talking to for Pete's sake!  
But there Nate was still smiling like a fool.

He was looking like he just won the lottery and he wanted to scream.  
This man wasn't supposed to be there.  
He was supposed to be part of the past where he had officially been placed about two months ago.  
But Nate was there and it was like the flood gates had busted.  
He had a girl.  
He had a girl and right now he couldn't even remember her name.  
Right now Nate was just standing there and once again his world had been turned upside down.

What did Nate want?  
If he had the nerve to ask him back to the team he just might hit him.  
If he had come all the way to his house and didn't plan on asking him back to the team he just might hit him anyway.

He had already resigned himself to the renewed hell he was going to go through when Nate left in ten minutes as he sat on his steps.

Once again, he didn't know why he thought life would start being nice to him.  
Moments later Nate sat next to him with that same stupid smirk and he just couldn't stand it any longer. "What?"

Nate didn't bother to say anything and it was pissing him off.  
During all their time apart he had managed to convince himself that Nate had good qualities to miss, that he just might be worth missing.  
Right now?  
He wanted him to go away.

To say he was happy about being next to him again, well that might be a little overboard, but the giddy girl inside of him was sure gettin' there. Whatever Nate had come to say he hoped it was good because he knew he'd be replaying this moment whether he wanted to or not for weeks to come.

It wasn't until he was seriously considering getting up, going in, and slammin' the door in Nate's face that the man finally said something. A something that had him so stunned he didn't know how to feel. Never in ten million years would he have ever expected that and he was sure his face was showing the shock. He was glued to the stoop as his throat went dry and he found himself completely speechless. Nate was still smiling like a damn fool and he swore it was only getting brighter.

Nate looked excited and he couldn't comprehend a thing but he knew there was no mistaking it, his ears hadn't heard wrong. Nate had said, "I love you too."

**The End**


End file.
